Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Dear Lilo

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hey linds,

what's up girl?  heard you had a tough night last night.  don't worry i'm here for some girl to girl advice.  

number one (and this is the most important): if you've gone to rehab more than zero times before your 30th birthday, you should not be going clubbing until 4 am.  

number two: girrrrrrrl you look like a hot mess.  guess what?  you are a major hottie.  stop ruining your hotness.  your hair is red.  embrace it.  you have freckles.  stop covering them.  when your face has no freckles, but your chest and shoulders are covered in them, guess what, we all know you have freckles.  

number three: stop going clubbing with your mom.  you're in your twenties, you're not supposed to go out with your mom.  it's not normal for a non-celebrity, it's not okay for you either.  plus your mom is beyond hot mess status.

number four: when you get in a screaming fight with your mom in a limo on the way home to long island, the absolute last human being on the planet you should call is dear old dad, michael lohan.  the only people more screwed up than yourself are your parents.

okay that's all for now girlfriend.  lock it up.


p.s. dear dina, seriously?!  i mean seriously?!  you can't be serious with this look and these actions.  pull yourself together woman.  when michael lohan is the voice of reason for your kids, you know you've got issues.

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